CYBERSPEW ....the latest odd,funny and Irreverent news items from around the world..You can'r make this stuff up!!!!.
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Send in a SQUAT Team….
Blog Guy, you mentioned recently that when Americans travel abroad, the main thing we’re concerned about is whether the toilets will be suitable for our needs. I suspect you’re right. I’m going overseas on a trip with my friends, but I’m a little concerned about how to spot the facilities.
I can help you. As you can see here, public Porta-Johns in other countries are often marked with a distinctive yellow POLISI, which I guess means GENTS.
Thanks, Blog Guy! See, that’s the kind of valuable travel information you just can’t get anywhere else. Um, the guy coming out of this toilet seems to be heavily armed.
Yes, many countries have special police units guarding their Porta-Johns. In France, for instance, they’re called Johndarmes.
I had no idea! So if somebody tries to steal a roll of toilet paper?
They’ll call in a police SQUAT Team.
Wow! My friends will be SO impressed the first time we need a bathroom and I’m the only one who knows to march right up to the door of a POLISI and pull it open. Thanks, Blog Guy!
Bon Voyage, send me a postcard….
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Top: Anti-riot police block protesters outside the parliament building in Jakarta, March 2, 2010.
Bottom: A policeman shoots protesters using a paintball gun outside the parliament building in Jakarta, March 2, 2010.
REUTERS photos by Beawiharta
This model walks into a bar, see…
Lamar, those fashion models are getting uppity. Oh, they’re so full of themselves, with their beauty and glamour, we need to take ‘em down a notch.
Gosh, how do we do that, Boss?
We lower their self-esteem.
Let’s put one of ‘em in lingerie and stiletto heels, send her out on the runway with a big bottle of vodka, and have her ad lib jokes until she’s flat on the floor. She won’t feel so high and mighty then!
Boss! That’s harsh! And what else?
Take some ugly backstage photos. You know, catch a girl puffing on a big old cigarette butt while some beefy tattooed guy messes with her hair. There’s no glamour there! And shoot some of ‘em in grubby bathrobes, smoking and hacking up against a dingy cinder block wall! Heh heh heh…
So, Lamar, it’s been three hours. How’s my plan workin’ out?
Well, I’m no expert, Boss, but you know the one with the stilettos and lingerie and vodka? She seems to have plenty of self-esteem left. Hell, I wish I had half that much….
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Top: A model holds a bottle of vodka as she displays a creation by K-Lynn Lingerie during a fashion show held in Faraya Mzaar ski resort, Mount Lebanon, March 6, 2010. REUTERS/Mohamed Azakir
Middle: A model smokes as she gets her hair done during the Cibeles Madrid Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2010 show in Madrid February 23, 2010. REUTERS/Susana Vera
Bottom: A model smokes a cigarette outside the backstage of Elena Miro’ Fall/Winter 2010/11 women’s collection during Milan Fashion Week February 24, 2010. REUTERS/Max Rossi
On the red carpet in designer gowns and Crocs?
Blog Guy, as a Hollywood media insider AND a fashion blogger, you must come under intense pressure to publicize all the glitzy designer creations worn by celebrities to the Oscars, right?
Boy, I’ll say. Those publicists are very pushy.
So how do you handle the pressure?
Well, I’m basically a nice guy, so I try to help them out. For instance, an e-mail came my way trying to publicize Oscars celebrities wearing Sergio Rossi shoes.
It mentioned Penelope Cruz in black satin platforms, Michelle Pfeiffer in wine satin platforms, Rachel McAdams, Elizabeth Banks, and so on….
I was in a supportive mood, so here are some shots of those women.
But Blog Guy, um, you can’t see shoes on any of them.
What with the long gowns this year, they may as well have been wearing Crocs, huh?
Say, I hope Sergio Rossi had something to do with those great rings Elizabeth Banks is showing off. Now THAT’S some good publicity!
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Top left: Penelope Cruz arrives at the Academy Awards in Hollywood, March 7, 2010. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson
Top middle: Rachel McAdams arrives at the Awards. REUTERS/Brian Snyder
Top right: Presenter Michelle Pfeiffer take the stage during Awards. REUTERS/Gary Hershorn
Bottom right: Elizabeth Banks shows off her rings as she arrives at the Awards. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson
Did you get to the part about the wipers?
Blog Guy, check out this bizarre photo. What do you suppose is going on here?
Uh-oh. This looks bad. Really bad. Has anybody else seen this picture?
Um, probably millions of people. Why?
If I had to guess, I’d say this is a top-secret consumer group testing the new Apple iPads. These things are supposed to be in stores on April 3, but it looks like there may still be glitches.
Wait a minute, Blog Guy, I have to think an Apple product is gonna perform better than this, a month away from launch.
You’re right. You know what, I bet this is a consumer focus group trying to read the new Toyota Owner’s Manual!
That makes a lot more sense, Blog Guy. I’m sure that’s it. Those poor sad slobs, they never had a chance….
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Servicemen of the Belarussian Interior Ministry’s special unit demonstrate their skills during a show in Minsk, February 28, 2010. REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko
And the coveted Irony Award goes to…
Well, it’s time again for the big prize.
Regular readers know that every year on the day of the Oscars I take advantage of the frothing public interest in awards by presenting my own Irony Award.
That way, a few confused people Googling words like AWARDS and WINNER will wind up here on my blog, by mistake. By the time they figure out how to leave, I’ve got several more pageviews!
This year’s golden statuette, The Ironic Colonic, goes to…the envelope, please…THE CHINESE ARMY, for opening a naval base to visitors and letting them pose with a pistol.
The open house was held to celebrate International Women’s Day. No, I don’t get the connection either, but the big-ass batch of irony shows up in this photo of a woman playing with a gun while wearing a shirt that says:
DON’T THINK AGAIN
RESPONSIBLE DECISIONS
By the way, close inspection shows that the semi-automatic pistol is on a lanyard tied to the table leg, so what’s the worst she could do?
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A visitor from China’s Guangdong province poses with a gun during an open day at a People’s Liberation Army naval base in Hong Kong, March 6, 2010. The open day was held to celebrate the upcoming International Women’s Day. REUTERS/Bobby Yip
What are you chicks waiting for again?
“Maggie, what the hell is going on? The fashion show has started, and those three models over there don’t even have their make-up! Let’s get going!”
“But Boss, I can’t do their make-up until their hair is done!”
“Their hair IS done, you silly twit!”
“But Boss, that can’t be! They’ve got all kinds of wires and toothpicks and parking tickets and dipsticks and golf tees and other crap sticking all out of their hair!”
“Right, that’s how the designer wants it…”
“Nuh-uh…”
“Uh-huh…”
“Nuh-uh…”
“Uh-huh…”
“Look Boss, let’s just look out there on the runway to see how the OTHER models look! Voila! Uh-oh. So, girls, you ready for a little dab of make-up now?”
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Top: Models wait to have their make-up done backstage prior to the presentation of Portuguese designer Fatima Lopes Fall/Winter 2010/11 women’s ready-to-wear fashion collection during Paris Fashion Week, March 2, 2010.
Other photos: Models present creations by Lopes, March 2, 2010.
REUTERS photos by Gonzalo Fuentes
